Priorities...

Priorities? What are mine? I am seriously contemplating going back to work. I am hesitating on two levels.

One: My husband is away until mid-December. Though I have an awesome support network of friends and family to call on (ie: lean on) when necessary the reality is that I am parenting 3 boys, ages 1-13 on my own. Could I maintain my sense of humour and charming disposition if I add the demands of a new job to my busy schedule.

Two: There are some big transitions coming up in the near future. (ie: moving to a new and as yet unknown city) But the move might be a long way off. Do I hold off going back to work until our life is more settled or do I (gulp) admit that this is about as settled as it is going to get for a long while?

ok, there are more than two levels that I am hesitating on...

Three: I (gulp) have a long held ambition of pursuing a career as a freelance writer/journalist. To this end I am working steadily on my English Degree and hope to pursue a more specialized education (either as a journalist or a teacher) when our life is more settled... (italics added to emphasize the irony(?) of our life being settled. Is there really such a thing as settled? What does that mean anyways? I don't know if irony is the right word but I couldn't think of a better one.) If I go back to work I would not be working in this field as I have no experience or education to qualify me for it. Well, that is not completely true. I do have some experience but not enough to get me a job that pays for food, gas, tuition and daycare which is what I need. To earn an actual paycheque I would have to return to work that I know: clerical work and/or customer service and/or retail work... I could attempt an unqualified leap into the freelance writing arena but wonder if I have the stamina and ambition necessary to be self employed. As I said to a friend the other day, "it is great to imagine being your own boss when you are planning coffee breaks, etc. The hard part comes when you actually have to get assertive and make yourself get down to work."

Four: I have not forgotten that I am mother to an incredibly charming one year old boy. I know some people in my life might balk to think that I am not 100% satisfied with my role as a stay at home mother. I love the time I spend with my son. I just think I would love that time with my son more if I knew I was not sacrificing my own personal goals to stay at home with him. I am not looking to work an intensely full time job. I'm looking for a balance. Perhaps I will spend my mornings working part time and studying part-time and leave my late afternoons and evenings free to enjoy the energy and enthusiasm of my three incredibly talented and diverse sons. That is my ideal goal. I just have to figure out how to make it work.

By the Way... (Re: Deleted Comments)

if you see deleted comments on my blog entries it is likely spam. If I get a comment that is generic and looks like an attempt to get people to log onto their website and sell them stuff, I do not check the link to that website. I delete it immediately. If I get comments from fellow bloggers that are not generic I will read them and likely check the website link before deciding whether to delete or keep the comment.
Feel free to comment. But if you are trying to sell debt repayment or college girls, I am not interested and neither are my readers.

You can feel sorry for me... NOW!

1. recurring pain, swelling and substance that is not milk coming out of my br**st and now I wake up with chills and a fever at midnight. (Positive attitude: I've heard horror stories far worse than what I'm going through!)

2. Does anyone feel like driving me to my dr. appt. at 2:20 pm tomorrow, 11 year old's hockey practice at 4:15-5:45, 13 yr old's Exercise Class at 4:45-5:45, and pick 11 year old up from youth group that runs 7-9? Think I should cancel everything and crawl into a cocoon? Me Too ...Including good friend who has brought me a steaming pot of soup good for two shared dinners. (Positive attitude: on second thought, good friend can come. She loves me and will warm the soup and bring it to me curled on the couch.)

3. Did you read my last post about being so happy happy. I think it's a ruse. I should delete it. Even though a little voice tells me it will all be okay after a good night sleep (thankyou little voice!)

4. The love of my life has been gone five weeks when five days would seem like eternity and he won't be home til Christmas. (Positive attitude: I'm meeting him in three weeks for a weekend in Montreal!)

5. When I went to pull bread out of the freezer tonight I discovered that it had come unplugged and all my precious groceries were starting to dethaw. (Positive attitude: I fixed the freezer (taped the plug to the wall. Is that safe? I am proud that I stopped myself from calling good male friends for help because I am an independant woman! And I'm just as proud that I have good male friends incase independant woman ruse didn't hold up.)

6. When I went yesterday for a trim, with a picture in hand of a wispy shoulder length bob. The young and arrogant hairdresser started fighting me when I told her she had cut my hair much shorter (just below my ears!) Another hairdresser had to intervene when I started to make a scene and I left with enough mousse in my short hair to serve an entire Sawatzky family reunion for the entire weekend. And the girl had the audacity to tell me I wouldn't style it properly anyways. (positive attitude: after washing out the mousse and styling it properly it actually looked rather french and cosmopoliton-not the disaster I imagined.)

7. As I was heading for the haircut, after dropping 13 year old at badminton class, my truck's engine began to squeel and smoke in the middle of a busy intersection leaving me stranded for just over half an hour on the side of the rain drenched road with traffic whizzing by me and a one year old crying in the backseat. (Positive attitude: My mobile mechanic came and fixed it for free. Turns out it was a simple matter of adjusting a knob that my husband had told me not to touch ...and my very nice mobile mechanic didn't charge me as he did not have to go out of his way. I had broke down on his way home!)

8. I am not even going to attempt to write about my deadlines with English course and Children's Lit Newsletter...

Conclusion: I can still be prone to happiness. Some weeks it is just harder.