Picture Day

Do you remember picture day at school when you were a kid? My mom would comb and curl my hair until it was silky smooth and framed just right around my face. By the time I had run to school, hung upside down from the monkey bars and pulled my sweater off over my head my hair did not look so silky smooth. It did not even look like I combed it that day or even that week. I remember feeling hugely frustrated by my inability to get my hair to stay stylish for more than an hour. Now I look back at some of the old pictures that were taken of me as a child and I think that I was beautiful (vanity not-withstanding!) But at the time I hated to have my picture taken unless I was absolutely sure that every hair was in place, that my smile wasn't crooked and that my eyes weren't squinting at the brightness of the flash.

You would think that as I got older I would have the added perspective and maturity to know that the importance of photographs that mark important events and stages in our life far outweigh the concern over a hair that might be out of place or a crooked smile. A few weeks ago my friend Jessica, an incredibly talented photographer, was here to spend some time with my family. She is living in Prince George right now and I miss her terribly, both for her friendship and for her ability to capture my life, and the life of my family, on film. So you would think that I relished in her ability and obvious desire to photograph our family as much as possible. But no! Every time she pulled out her camera I grimaced. Not right now, I would say. Let's take pictures later in the day when I don't look so tired, when Elijah's finished napping, when Matthew's hair isn't quite so frizzy. She patiently heard excuse after excuse, putting her camera away and hiding her exasperation. I went downtown the other day to pick up the few pictures that I let her take. The two pictures she took of me are absolutely beautiful and she captured some fantastic images of Elijah. I desperately wish I could go back in time and change my attitude.

I want to remind myself that how I look is just right, that I shouldn't get so wrapped up in body image, that beautiful is a state of mind.